1. Over-prioritising
Don’t get me wrong – your relationship is very important. But so are you. And so is the life you’d so carefully built up before you began your relationship. Don’t be tempted to start putting yourself and your stuff – your goals, interests and friends – in second place when you’re in a relationship, because it won’t get the results you long for.
When we fall in love with somebody new, it’s easy to make them the focus of your world. It feels fun to do that! But over time, if you don’t maintain your own life too, your relationship will feel like it has become your life. You’ll panic at the thought of it finishing because you have nothing else to do, making you more likely to put up with sub-standard treatment. By focussing on your love life, you’ll find other areas of your world start to look neglected, making you spend MORE time focussing on love instead, as problems elsewhere become unbearable… Here’s some relationship advice: Get the balance right. The easiest way sometimes to work on your relationship is to work on other things instead! Keep the interests, goals and friends you had at the beginning of the relationship. Keep them in good condition; tend to them. This way, you’ll have more energy, confidence and enthusiasm when you’re with your partner, and your full, well-rounded life will keep them attracted to you.
2. If Only…
If only he’d buy me flowers every week. If only she’d watch sport with me. If only he earned more money. If only she could lose 10lbs… “If Only”s will damage your relationship very quickly. You might think you’re stealthily having these thoughts but they’ll be visible to your other half through your actions. Yes, they will. You’ll pout when he comes home without flowers, or you’ll fidget resentfully through the movie as you long to watch the big match on the other side. Strangely, “If Only”s are usually the sign you’re in a good relationship! Without real, concrete problems to focus on, you have time to day-dream about hypothetical finishing-touches. My relationship advice? Stop. Instead of thinking about what your partner doesn’t have, think about what they do. Write a list of the top 20 things you adore about your partner and see how that immediately pushes the “If Only”s out of the picture.
3. Disloyalty
You and your partner are a team. One of the easiest ways to damage your relationship is to be disloyal to your partner. So don’t spill all their secrets to your friends, don’t moan endlessly about them to anyone who’ll listen, don’t lie to them (even if it’s easier) and don’t go against their wishes on matters that are important to them – work to find a compromise.
The reason this is important is that the strongest, soundest relationships create their own feeling of “It’s you and me against the world!” But as soon as you destroy that, it’s gone. Some relationship advice about loyalty - see your partner’s best side, be the voice that boosts them up instead of putting them down. If they are someone you can’t genuinely respect or admire, you shouldn’t be with them.
4. Lack of self-care
It’s important to maintain your appearance when you’re in a relationship – not only will it keep your partner fancying you, it will keep your self-confidence high. You’ll keep your sassy, spicy edge which is one of the most successful ingredients in good long-term affairs. But don’t let your health, including mental health, go neglected. When it comes to appearance, the best relationship advice is simply to look after yourself: get enough sleep, eat healthily, exercise. If your partner has an unhealthy lifestyle, try not to copy it for the sake of “going along to get along”. If they eat unhealthy food, don’t give in to their pizza suggestions every time, introduce them to your favourite healthy meals instead or order your own light alternatives. In the first flush of love you might go without rest, but don’t skip sleep long-term, it’ll make you moody and more likely to over-react to problems that arise. Make your health a priority.
5. Competitiveness
This is a very common habit amongst unhappy couples. They compete for everything – who’s the most successful, who’s doing the most housework, who buys the best presents, even who’s the most ill. It’s incredibly unsupportive and is one of the fastest ways to alienate a partner as they’ll soon turn to other people to receive much-needed appreciation and praise. Competition arises when one – or both – partners feels insecure. Disliking themselves, they feel threatened when they perceive their partner to be somehow “better” than them, so they look to redress the balance, either by boasting about their own achievements, or by belittling their partner’s. It can also be sparked by a major life event (buying a home, having a baby, marriage or promotion) that shakes up a couple’s life significantly. My relationship advice here is, if you’re the one feeling competitive, work on improving your self-confidence. The tips in this article will help, so focus on your goals, friends, appearance and health until your partner’s success no longer threatens you. If your partner is the one who always seems keen to out-do you, give them attention and praise and encourage them to build a fulfilling life outside your relationship. Then you should both be able to become one another’s cheerleaders again, instead of feeling you’re on opposing teams.
Wednesday, 16 November 2011
Thursday, 27 October 2011
worrying
Mengkhawatirkan sesuatu yang sebenarnya belum tentu akan terjadi. itu yang sering dilakukan dan dipikirkan banyak orang.
bagaimana dengan pencegahan yang berlebihan? apakah hal tersebut dapat merugikan orang lain? coba pikirkan....
sebuah pemikiran yang seharusnya logic tapi secara tidak sadar bercampur dengan perasaan menjadikan sebuah pemikiran yang salah.
lalu bisa jadi mengkhawatirkan sesuatu yang sudah pasti terjadi? apa itu suatu keanehan?
jikalau Anda berbohong tentang sesuatu hal secara terus menerus, makan kemungkinana kebohongan Anda terbongkar akan semakin besar. lalu untuk apa mengkhawatirkan hal tersebut? seharusnya sudah dilakukan persiapan untuk menghadapi itu semua.
lalu bagaimana jika Anda menyembunyikan sesuatu dan takut diketahui orang lain? seperti pacar gelap atau uang....
apa motif Anda sebenarnya? mencari kebahagiaan semu? Apa Anda mampu mencintai seseorang dengan tulus.
lalu apa kekhawatiran itu menular. tentu iya.
lalu adakah hubungannya kekhawatiran dengan rasa tidak percaya diri? coba pikirkan dan rasakan. pasti ada !
lalu jika kekhawatiran secara global... apa bisa di sebut normal? khawatir dunia kiamat, misalkan??
Jika kamu menemukan orang yang mempunyai rasa kekhawatiran berlebih, rangkullah dia, cintai dia dan dukung dia.
hanya rasa nyaman yang bisa merubah semua itu.
bagaimana dengan pencegahan yang berlebihan? apakah hal tersebut dapat merugikan orang lain? coba pikirkan....
sebuah pemikiran yang seharusnya logic tapi secara tidak sadar bercampur dengan perasaan menjadikan sebuah pemikiran yang salah.
lalu bisa jadi mengkhawatirkan sesuatu yang sudah pasti terjadi? apa itu suatu keanehan?
jikalau Anda berbohong tentang sesuatu hal secara terus menerus, makan kemungkinana kebohongan Anda terbongkar akan semakin besar. lalu untuk apa mengkhawatirkan hal tersebut? seharusnya sudah dilakukan persiapan untuk menghadapi itu semua.
lalu bagaimana jika Anda menyembunyikan sesuatu dan takut diketahui orang lain? seperti pacar gelap atau uang....
apa motif Anda sebenarnya? mencari kebahagiaan semu? Apa Anda mampu mencintai seseorang dengan tulus.
lalu apa kekhawatiran itu menular. tentu iya.
lalu adakah hubungannya kekhawatiran dengan rasa tidak percaya diri? coba pikirkan dan rasakan. pasti ada !
lalu jika kekhawatiran secara global... apa bisa di sebut normal? khawatir dunia kiamat, misalkan??
Jika kamu menemukan orang yang mempunyai rasa kekhawatiran berlebih, rangkullah dia, cintai dia dan dukung dia.
hanya rasa nyaman yang bisa merubah semua itu.
Sunday, 15 May 2011
F.R.I.E.N.D
We all want to have true friends, but the quality of our friends depend on us. If you want to have true friends, you should be a true friend yourself. By being a true friend, people will love to be around you and many of them will eventually become your true friends.
This is an essential first step if you are to be a true friend. If you don’t even accept yourself, how can you accept others? You may have made mistakes in the past that you can’t forget. But forgive yourself for them. You perhaps don’t have the traits you want in life.
After you befriend yourself, you will be in a good position to accept others. Other people may do you wrong or have some bad habits you don’t like. But you are not perfect yourself so there is no reason for you not to accept them.
Sometimes we are too busy to provide time for relationships, even for important people in our life. That most likely happens because we put relationships too low in our priority list. If we regard relationships as high priority, time won’t be a problem. We will make time for relationships.
The art of listening is one of the most difficult arts to master. I experience it myself. Sometimes you talk with a friend but don’t carefully listen to what he says. Sometimes you are introduced to a new person but don’t carefully listen to her name. A true friend doesn’t do that. A true friend is a good listener.
A true friend provides value to others. She wants people who meets her to be enriched in their life. If you want to do that, you should live a lifestyle of value. This way you amass value in your life you can then distribute to others.
Everyone looks at life through his own lens. Often we expect others to see life through the same lens as ours, but that will create a lot of problems. A true friend is someone who is willing to look through other people’s lenses first. He tries to understand why they think and act that way.
If you want to be interesting you should first be interested. Be curious. Cultivate interest about many things. If you do that, you can genuinely be enthusiastic when people talk to you about something. People will feel appreciated and love to be around you.
A true friend doesn’t wait until someone asks his help. Instead, he takes the initiative to help others. This, of course, is easier said than done. To do this, you should be on the lookout for needs. Be sensitive. Often you can find others’ needs through what they implicitly say. You may also see it through their body language. When you sense a need, think about how you can help them and take the initiative to help.
If you treat others as good and trustworthy people, they will also treat you likewise. Believe in your heart that people are naturally good, even when they seem to be the opposite. People will feel how you believe in them and they will be touched by your sincerity.
A true friend is not afraid of saying the truth, even if it’s not convenient to the ones who hear it. A true friend cares too much about the person’s wellness that he can’t afford to let him live wrongly. Always have others’ best interest in your heart and be honest to them.
A true friend knows the right time to praise, the right time to listen, and the right time to rebuke. She knows when to come and when to stay away. A true friend masters the art of timing.
Integrity is the foundation of true friendship. Be sure that you do what you say. You can only build true friendship if you are true to yourself and others.
People need appreciation. They need to know that you appreciate them. Often we are quick to criticize but slow to commend. Let’s make it the opposite. Sincerely commend them when they do something right. Even better, commend them publicly.
A true friend wants to see the people around them live up to their maximum potential. You can do this by helping your friends recognize and develop their personal strengths.
This is an essential first step if you are to be a true friend. If you don’t even accept yourself, how can you accept others? You may have made mistakes in the past that you can’t forget. But forgive yourself for them. You perhaps don’t have the traits you want in life.
After you befriend yourself, you will be in a good position to accept others. Other people may do you wrong or have some bad habits you don’t like. But you are not perfect yourself so there is no reason for you not to accept them.
Sometimes we are too busy to provide time for relationships, even for important people in our life. That most likely happens because we put relationships too low in our priority list. If we regard relationships as high priority, time won’t be a problem. We will make time for relationships.
The art of listening is one of the most difficult arts to master. I experience it myself. Sometimes you talk with a friend but don’t carefully listen to what he says. Sometimes you are introduced to a new person but don’t carefully listen to her name. A true friend doesn’t do that. A true friend is a good listener.
A true friend provides value to others. She wants people who meets her to be enriched in their life. If you want to do that, you should live a lifestyle of value. This way you amass value in your life you can then distribute to others.
Everyone looks at life through his own lens. Often we expect others to see life through the same lens as ours, but that will create a lot of problems. A true friend is someone who is willing to look through other people’s lenses first. He tries to understand why they think and act that way.
If you want to be interesting you should first be interested. Be curious. Cultivate interest about many things. If you do that, you can genuinely be enthusiastic when people talk to you about something. People will feel appreciated and love to be around you.
A true friend doesn’t wait until someone asks his help. Instead, he takes the initiative to help others. This, of course, is easier said than done. To do this, you should be on the lookout for needs. Be sensitive. Often you can find others’ needs through what they implicitly say. You may also see it through their body language. When you sense a need, think about how you can help them and take the initiative to help.
If you treat others as good and trustworthy people, they will also treat you likewise. Believe in your heart that people are naturally good, even when they seem to be the opposite. People will feel how you believe in them and they will be touched by your sincerity.
A true friend is not afraid of saying the truth, even if it’s not convenient to the ones who hear it. A true friend cares too much about the person’s wellness that he can’t afford to let him live wrongly. Always have others’ best interest in your heart and be honest to them.
A true friend knows the right time to praise, the right time to listen, and the right time to rebuke. She knows when to come and when to stay away. A true friend masters the art of timing.
Integrity is the foundation of true friendship. Be sure that you do what you say. You can only build true friendship if you are true to yourself and others.
People need appreciation. They need to know that you appreciate them. Often we are quick to criticize but slow to commend. Let’s make it the opposite. Sincerely commend them when they do something right. Even better, commend them publicly.
A true friend wants to see the people around them live up to their maximum potential. You can do this by helping your friends recognize and develop their personal strengths.
Wednesday, 29 December 2010
Kejujuran
Hari ini, sesuatu telah 'menampar' muka saya. Kejujuran, sebuah kata yg selalu saya junjung tinggi dan menjadi prinsip dalam hidup saya. Topeng apa yg sedang saya pakai? saya sendiri tidak jelas melihatnya dicermin dan saya mulai merasa takut pada diri saya sendiri. Apa saya termasuk org yg sakit jiwa ?
Bersusah payah saya membangun hidup dari kejujuran. saya yakin hidup saya akan baik2 saja jika saya menjalaninya dengan baik dan jujur. Mengajak org lain untuk jujur, mencoba tidak menyakiti org lain dengan kebohongan. Tapi yg terparah adalah Saya justru tidak jujur terhadap diri sendiri.
Ini pesan untuk yg membaca, coba renungkan dan belajar dari kesalahan saya.
Saya mencintai pria A tapi menikah dengan pria B, krn Pengabdian. Buat saya cinta itu sangat pribadi dan simple. Cinta itu bisa tumbuh dengan siapa saja, cinta itu butuh proses. apa benar begitu ? yg aku tau adalah Cinta itu mengikat 2 org dalam 1 perasaan. rumit ternyata...
lalu bagaimana dengan 'Hidup itu pilihan' jalan mana yg terbaik ?
seandainya saya bisa kembali kemasa lalu dan di beri pilihan jalan hidup, saya akan memilih jalan yg sama, menyelesaikannya lbh bijak n lbh cepat. jalan itu yg 'aman'.
tapi mungkin saya tipe memberontak. sesekali berontak. tentu krn tidak merasa nyaman.
lalu ketidakjujuran lainnya,
~ saya tidak suka bawang putih, demi kesehatan saya makan juga.
~ saya benci makan pepaya krn baunya, tp sedikit jeruk nipis membuat baunya hilang.
~ saya tidak ingin bertemu dengan si A tp saya utang budi sama dia.
~ saya tdk suka datang ke acara pernikahan, tp temen saya nantinya menikah semua.
~ saya tdk ingin berkencan dengan pria D tp krn dia ganteng yah boleh lha.
~ saya malas baca buku, tapi setiap hari baca 2 halaman
~ saya tdk suka selingkuh, tp saya selingkuh
~ saya sepertinya pengertian tp pendendam
~ saya gak suka musik trance tp pergi dugem
~ gak tahan bau rokok tp merokok itu nikmat
~ etc...
Apa ketidakjujuran menjadi Sah jika diikutin alasan yg tepat ? berbohong demi kebaikan gt...
Bersusah payah saya membangun hidup dari kejujuran. saya yakin hidup saya akan baik2 saja jika saya menjalaninya dengan baik dan jujur. Mengajak org lain untuk jujur, mencoba tidak menyakiti org lain dengan kebohongan. Tapi yg terparah adalah Saya justru tidak jujur terhadap diri sendiri.
Ini pesan untuk yg membaca, coba renungkan dan belajar dari kesalahan saya.
Saya mencintai pria A tapi menikah dengan pria B, krn Pengabdian. Buat saya cinta itu sangat pribadi dan simple. Cinta itu bisa tumbuh dengan siapa saja, cinta itu butuh proses. apa benar begitu ? yg aku tau adalah Cinta itu mengikat 2 org dalam 1 perasaan. rumit ternyata...
lalu bagaimana dengan 'Hidup itu pilihan' jalan mana yg terbaik ?
seandainya saya bisa kembali kemasa lalu dan di beri pilihan jalan hidup, saya akan memilih jalan yg sama, menyelesaikannya lbh bijak n lbh cepat. jalan itu yg 'aman'.
tapi mungkin saya tipe memberontak. sesekali berontak. tentu krn tidak merasa nyaman.
lalu ketidakjujuran lainnya,
~ saya tidak suka bawang putih, demi kesehatan saya makan juga.
~ saya benci makan pepaya krn baunya, tp sedikit jeruk nipis membuat baunya hilang.
~ saya tidak ingin bertemu dengan si A tp saya utang budi sama dia.
~ saya tdk suka datang ke acara pernikahan, tp temen saya nantinya menikah semua.
~ saya tdk ingin berkencan dengan pria D tp krn dia ganteng yah boleh lha.
~ saya malas baca buku, tapi setiap hari baca 2 halaman
~ saya tdk suka selingkuh, tp saya selingkuh
~ saya sepertinya pengertian tp pendendam
~ saya gak suka musik trance tp pergi dugem
~ gak tahan bau rokok tp merokok itu nikmat
~ etc...
Apa ketidakjujuran menjadi Sah jika diikutin alasan yg tepat ? berbohong demi kebaikan gt...
Sunday, 21 November 2010
Something to think about before you decide to marry someone
No. 1
You pick the wrong person because you expect her/him to change after you are married.
The classic mistake. Never marry potential. The Golden rule is, if you can't be happy with the person the way he or she is now, don't get married. As a colleague of mine so wisely put it, "you actually can expect people to change after their marriage....for the worst!!!!" So when it comes to the other person's spirituality, character, personal, hygiene, communication skills and personal habits, make sure you can live with these as they are now.
My opinion : simple thing can be big thing in marriage life. careful...
No. 2
You pick the wrong person because you focus more on chemistry than character.
Chemistry ignites the fire, but good character keeps it burning. Beware of the "I'm in love" syndrome. "I'm in love" syndrome often means "I'm in lust" Attraction is there, but have you carefully checked out this person characters?
Here are 4 characters traits to definitely check for :
Humility : Does this person believe that "doing the right this" is more important than personal comfort?
Do i want to be more like this person? Would i like my child to turn out like him or her?
Kindness: Does this person enjoy giving pleasure to other people?
How does she or he treat people he or she doesn't have to be nice to?
Does he or she volunteer work? give charity?
Responsibility : Can I depend on this person to do what he or she says he or she going to do?
Happiness : Does this person like himself? Does he or she enjoy life? is he or she emotionally stable?
Ask your self : Do i want to be more like this person? Do i want to have a child with this person?
Would i like my child to turn out like him or her?
No: 3.
You pick the wrong person because the man doesn’t understand what a woman needs most.
Men and women have unique emotional needs, and more often that not, it is the man who just doesn’t “get it”. The unique need of a woman is to be loved – to feel that she is the most important person in her husband’s life. The husband needs to give her consistent, quality attention.
Sexual intimacy is always on the woman’s terms. Men are goal-oriented, especially when it come this area. As a wise woman once pointed out, “men have two speeds: on and off.”Women are experience-oriented.
When a man is able to switch gears and become more experience-oriented, he will discover what makes his wife very happy. When the man forgets about his own needs and focuses on giving his wife pleasure, amazing things happen.
My opinion : women need to be loved, men need to be understanding… and a bit of loved too…
i meant, woman need 'hugs' more more than guy, or kisses... etc.
No: 4.
You choose the wrong person because you do not share a common life goals and priorities.
There are three basic ways we connect with another person:
Chemistry and compatibility
Share common interests
Share common life goal
Make sure you share the deeper level of connection that sharing life goals provide. After marriage, the two of you will either grow together or grow apart.
To avoid growing apart, you must figure out what you’re “living for,” while you’re single—and then find someone who has come to the same conclusion as you.
This is the true definition or a “soul mate.” A soul mate is a goal mate—two people who ultimately share the same understanding of life’s purpose and therefore share priorities, values and goals.
No: 5.
You choose the wrong person because you get involved sexually too quickly.
Sexual involvement before the commitment of marriage can be problem because it often precludes a fully honest exploration of important issues. Sexual involvement tends to cloud onus’s mind. And a clouded mind is not inclined to make good decision.
Of all the studies done on divorce, sexual incompatibility is never cited as a main factor. It is not necessary to take a “test drive” in order to find out if a couple is sexually compatible, you don’t have to worry about sexual compatibility. Of all the studies done on divorce, sexual incompatibility in never cited as a main reason why people divorce.
My opinion : True, mostly happen but hard to do.
No: 6.
You pick the wrong person because you do not have a deeper emotional connection with this person.
To evaluate whether you have a deeper emotional connection or not ask: “do I respect and admire this person?” this does not mean, “am I impressed by this person?” we are impressed by a Mercedes. We do not respect someone because they own a Mercedes. You should be impressed by qualities of creativity, loyalty, determination, etc.
Also ask: “do I trust this person?” this also means, “is he/she emotionally stable? Do I feel I can rely on him/her?
No: 7.
You pick the wrong person because you choose someone with whom you don’t feel emotionally safe.
Ask yourself the following questions: do I feel calm, peaceful and relaxed with this person? Can I fully be myself and express myself! With this person?
Dose this person make me feel good about myself? Do you have a really close friend who does make you feel this way? Make sure the person you marry makes you feel the same way!
Are you afraid of this person in any way? You should not feel you need to monitor what you say because you are afraid of how the other person will view it. If you’re afraid to express your feelings and opinions openly, there’s a problem with the relationship. Be on the look out for someone who is always trying to change you. Another aspect of feeling safe is that you don’t feel the other person is trying to control you.
Controlling behaviors are a sign of an abusive person. Be on the look out for someone who is always trying to change you. There’s big difference between “controlling” and “making suggestion”. A suggestion is made for your benefit; a control statement is made for their benefit.
My opinion : dangerous... really.
No 8:
You pick the wrong person because you don’t have put everyting on the table.
Anything that bothers you about the relationship must be brought up for discussion. Bringing up the uncomfortable stuff is the only way to evaluate how well the two of you communicate, negotiate, and work together. Over the course of a lifetime, difficulties will inevitably arise.
You need to know now, before making a commitment: can you resolve your differences and find compromises that work for both of you? Never be afraid to let the person know what bothers you. This is also a way for you to test how vulnerable you can be with this person. If you can’t be vulnerable, then you can’t be intimate. The two go hand in hand.
My opinion : hmm... better open minded...
No: 9.
You pick the wrong person because you use the relationship to ascape from personal problems and unhappiness.
If you are unhappy and single, you’ll probably be unhappy and married, too. Marriage does not fix personal, psychological and emotional problems. If anything, marriage will exacerbate them. If you are not happy with yourself and your life, take responsibility to fix it now while you are single. You’ll feel better, and your future spouse will thank you.
No: 10.
You pick the wrong person because he/she is involved in a triangle.
To be “triangulated” means a person is emotionally dependent on someone or something else while trying to develop another relationship. A person who hasn’t separated from his or her parents is the classic example of triangulation.
People can also be triangulate with things as well, such as work, drugs, Internet, hobbies, sports or money. Be careful that you and! Your partner is free of triangles. The person caught in the triangle cannot be fully emotionality available to you. You will not be their number one priority. And that’s no basis for a marriage.
My opinion : to indonesian guy....^^ pls noticed...
You pick the wrong person because you expect her/him to change after you are married.
The classic mistake. Never marry potential. The Golden rule is, if you can't be happy with the person the way he or she is now, don't get married. As a colleague of mine so wisely put it, "you actually can expect people to change after their marriage....for the worst!!!!" So when it comes to the other person's spirituality, character, personal, hygiene, communication skills and personal habits, make sure you can live with these as they are now.
My opinion : simple thing can be big thing in marriage life. careful...
No. 2
You pick the wrong person because you focus more on chemistry than character.
Chemistry ignites the fire, but good character keeps it burning. Beware of the "I'm in love" syndrome. "I'm in love" syndrome often means "I'm in lust" Attraction is there, but have you carefully checked out this person characters?
Here are 4 characters traits to definitely check for :
Humility : Does this person believe that "doing the right this" is more important than personal comfort?
Do i want to be more like this person? Would i like my child to turn out like him or her?
Kindness: Does this person enjoy giving pleasure to other people?
How does she or he treat people he or she doesn't have to be nice to?
Does he or she volunteer work? give charity?
Responsibility : Can I depend on this person to do what he or she says he or she going to do?
Happiness : Does this person like himself? Does he or she enjoy life? is he or she emotionally stable?
Ask your self : Do i want to be more like this person? Do i want to have a child with this person?
Would i like my child to turn out like him or her?
No: 3.
You pick the wrong person because the man doesn’t understand what a woman needs most.
Men and women have unique emotional needs, and more often that not, it is the man who just doesn’t “get it”. The unique need of a woman is to be loved – to feel that she is the most important person in her husband’s life. The husband needs to give her consistent, quality attention.
Sexual intimacy is always on the woman’s terms. Men are goal-oriented, especially when it come this area. As a wise woman once pointed out, “men have two speeds: on and off.”Women are experience-oriented.
When a man is able to switch gears and become more experience-oriented, he will discover what makes his wife very happy. When the man forgets about his own needs and focuses on giving his wife pleasure, amazing things happen.
My opinion : women need to be loved, men need to be understanding… and a bit of loved too…
i meant, woman need 'hugs' more more than guy, or kisses... etc.
No: 4.
You choose the wrong person because you do not share a common life goals and priorities.
There are three basic ways we connect with another person:
Chemistry and compatibility
Share common interests
Share common life goal
Make sure you share the deeper level of connection that sharing life goals provide. After marriage, the two of you will either grow together or grow apart.
To avoid growing apart, you must figure out what you’re “living for,” while you’re single—and then find someone who has come to the same conclusion as you.
This is the true definition or a “soul mate.” A soul mate is a goal mate—two people who ultimately share the same understanding of life’s purpose and therefore share priorities, values and goals.
No: 5.
You choose the wrong person because you get involved sexually too quickly.
Sexual involvement before the commitment of marriage can be problem because it often precludes a fully honest exploration of important issues. Sexual involvement tends to cloud onus’s mind. And a clouded mind is not inclined to make good decision.
Of all the studies done on divorce, sexual incompatibility is never cited as a main factor. It is not necessary to take a “test drive” in order to find out if a couple is sexually compatible, you don’t have to worry about sexual compatibility. Of all the studies done on divorce, sexual incompatibility in never cited as a main reason why people divorce.
My opinion : True, mostly happen but hard to do.
No: 6.
You pick the wrong person because you do not have a deeper emotional connection with this person.
To evaluate whether you have a deeper emotional connection or not ask: “do I respect and admire this person?” this does not mean, “am I impressed by this person?” we are impressed by a Mercedes. We do not respect someone because they own a Mercedes. You should be impressed by qualities of creativity, loyalty, determination, etc.
Also ask: “do I trust this person?” this also means, “is he/she emotionally stable? Do I feel I can rely on him/her?
No: 7.
You pick the wrong person because you choose someone with whom you don’t feel emotionally safe.
Ask yourself the following questions: do I feel calm, peaceful and relaxed with this person? Can I fully be myself and express myself! With this person?
Dose this person make me feel good about myself? Do you have a really close friend who does make you feel this way? Make sure the person you marry makes you feel the same way!
Are you afraid of this person in any way? You should not feel you need to monitor what you say because you are afraid of how the other person will view it. If you’re afraid to express your feelings and opinions openly, there’s a problem with the relationship. Be on the look out for someone who is always trying to change you. Another aspect of feeling safe is that you don’t feel the other person is trying to control you.
Controlling behaviors are a sign of an abusive person. Be on the look out for someone who is always trying to change you. There’s big difference between “controlling” and “making suggestion”. A suggestion is made for your benefit; a control statement is made for their benefit.
My opinion : dangerous... really.
No 8:
You pick the wrong person because you don’t have put everyting on the table.
Anything that bothers you about the relationship must be brought up for discussion. Bringing up the uncomfortable stuff is the only way to evaluate how well the two of you communicate, negotiate, and work together. Over the course of a lifetime, difficulties will inevitably arise.
You need to know now, before making a commitment: can you resolve your differences and find compromises that work for both of you? Never be afraid to let the person know what bothers you. This is also a way for you to test how vulnerable you can be with this person. If you can’t be vulnerable, then you can’t be intimate. The two go hand in hand.
My opinion : hmm... better open minded...
No: 9.
You pick the wrong person because you use the relationship to ascape from personal problems and unhappiness.
If you are unhappy and single, you’ll probably be unhappy and married, too. Marriage does not fix personal, psychological and emotional problems. If anything, marriage will exacerbate them. If you are not happy with yourself and your life, take responsibility to fix it now while you are single. You’ll feel better, and your future spouse will thank you.
No: 10.
You pick the wrong person because he/she is involved in a triangle.
To be “triangulated” means a person is emotionally dependent on someone or something else while trying to develop another relationship. A person who hasn’t separated from his or her parents is the classic example of triangulation.
People can also be triangulate with things as well, such as work, drugs, Internet, hobbies, sports or money. Be careful that you and! Your partner is free of triangles. The person caught in the triangle cannot be fully emotionality available to you. You will not be their number one priority. And that’s no basis for a marriage.
My opinion : to indonesian guy....^^ pls noticed...
Thursday, 21 October 2010
Homemade Chocolate
Chocolate Candy
* 3 cups sugar
* 3 cups milk
* 5 tablespoons cocoa
* 1 tablespoon butter
* 1 teaspoon vanilla
1. Combine the sugar, milk, and cocoa in a saucepan and bring it to the boil while stirring. Boil until the mixture reaches the soft ball stage at 234-240 degrees F.
2. Remove from heat and stir in the butter and vanilla until mixture is creamy. Pour onto a buttered tray and allow to cool. Cut into squares and store in an airtight container.
* 3 cups sugar
* 3 cups milk
* 5 tablespoons cocoa
* 1 tablespoon butter
* 1 teaspoon vanilla
1. Combine the sugar, milk, and cocoa in a saucepan and bring it to the boil while stirring. Boil until the mixture reaches the soft ball stage at 234-240 degrees F.
2. Remove from heat and stir in the butter and vanilla until mixture is creamy. Pour onto a buttered tray and allow to cool. Cut into squares and store in an airtight container.
Wednesday, 13 October 2010
The Indigo Children
What is an Indigo Child? and why do we call them Indigo?
First, the definition: an indigo child is one who displays a new and unusual set of psychological attributes and shows a pattern of behavior generally undocumented before. This pattern has common unique factors that suggest that those who interact with them ( parents, in particular ) change their treatment and upbringing of them in order to achieve balance. To ignore these new pattern is to potentially create imbalance and frustration in the mind of this precious new life. The subject of this chapter is to identify, qualify and validate the attributes of an Indigo child.
Here are ten of the most common traits of Indigo Children :
1. They come into the world with a feeling of Royalty ( and often act like it )
2. They have a feeling of 'deserving to be here' and are surprised when others dont share that.
3. Self-worth is not a big issue. They often tell the parents 'who they are'
4. They have difficulty with absolute authority ( authority without explanation or choice )
5. They simply will not do certain things; for example, waiting in line is difficult for them.
6. They get frustrated with systems that are ritual-oriented and dont require creative thought.
7. They often see better ways of doing things, both at home and in school, which makes them seem like 'system buster' ( nonconforming to any system)
8. They seem antisocial unless they are with their own kind. if there are no others of like consciousness around them, they ofern turn inward, feeling like no other human understands them. School is often extremely difficult for them socially.
9. They will not respond to guilt discipline.
10. They are not shy in letting you know what they need.
Lee Carroll & Jan Tober
First, the definition: an indigo child is one who displays a new and unusual set of psychological attributes and shows a pattern of behavior generally undocumented before. This pattern has common unique factors that suggest that those who interact with them ( parents, in particular ) change their treatment and upbringing of them in order to achieve balance. To ignore these new pattern is to potentially create imbalance and frustration in the mind of this precious new life. The subject of this chapter is to identify, qualify and validate the attributes of an Indigo child.
Here are ten of the most common traits of Indigo Children :
1. They come into the world with a feeling of Royalty ( and often act like it )
2. They have a feeling of 'deserving to be here' and are surprised when others dont share that.
3. Self-worth is not a big issue. They often tell the parents 'who they are'
4. They have difficulty with absolute authority ( authority without explanation or choice )
5. They simply will not do certain things; for example, waiting in line is difficult for them.
6. They get frustrated with systems that are ritual-oriented and dont require creative thought.
7. They often see better ways of doing things, both at home and in school, which makes them seem like 'system buster' ( nonconforming to any system)
8. They seem antisocial unless they are with their own kind. if there are no others of like consciousness around them, they ofern turn inward, feeling like no other human understands them. School is often extremely difficult for them socially.
9. They will not respond to guilt discipline.
10. They are not shy in letting you know what they need.
Lee Carroll & Jan Tober
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